i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
