I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize