We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
