Need sex. Gaining weight.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
