Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
