You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
