I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
