are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
