Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
