I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
