So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize