i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
