when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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