i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
