I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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