Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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