i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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