I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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