I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
