I just saw a hot homeless man
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
