Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
