....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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