Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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