Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I FOUND THE LEGS
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
