Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
