drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
