Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I am one with the molecules
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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