The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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