Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize