I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
