It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
