my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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