Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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