I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
There are leaves in my underwear?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
