I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
