i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
