Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Sober January is a disaster.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
