The maid of honor just puked.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
