Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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