Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
