I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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