fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize