I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
