so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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