And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
