Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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