please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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