Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
