You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
