Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
