You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
