If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
