that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
