its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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