I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
