Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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