We're facebook friends in real life
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
