Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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