I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
