The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
