just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
