the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize