I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
