The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
