Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
