i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
