Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
