somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
