i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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