and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
