how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
