I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
