I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
