Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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