somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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