Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
