I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
