Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
