i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
