Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
