I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
