Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's official drugs can't kill me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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